That's Me . . . Hiding Behind the Cereal

I'm going to tell you a story about how I engaged a "homeless" person yesterday. I put that in quotes because several people told me she was, in fact, not homeless. Like they know.

Anyway, before I tell you I want to make sure you understand that this is not a normal, every day act. And I don't deserve any at-a-girls. For one thing, we don't get a lot of people holding signs saying, "help" here in our slice of PA.

And if we do I hide from them.

When I pull up next to them at a red light I inch up far enough that they're not in my view or I suddenly remember that text I immediately have to send and pick up my phone.

I'm a professional hider. You wouldn't know it but if I see you in the grocery store and we knew each other casually ten years ago I'll hide. I don't want to go through the "do I say hi . . . do they know who I am . . . it would take forever to catch up and get to the present to have a conversation . . . or do we pretend we never saw each other before and just pass right by" argument in my head. I'll save us the hassle. You're welcome.

If a random number calls my phone I will absolutely hide from that. If it's important they'll leave a voicemail. They're probably selling something that I'm not buying. And if you read the story of my Frisco dance you already know that I hide from strangers knocking on the front door.

All that to say . . . when I discovered that I'm a number 9 on the enneagram and that a classic thing we do is hide . . . from discomfort, from hard things, from hard people . . . I felt God nudging me toward change. Something new.

Adam and Eve hid in the garden and God came looking for them. He knew where they were but I think he was reminding them that, despite their mess-ups, there was no need to hide. And he's been asking me the same question. Where are you Sandy?

I'm on the couch watching a show or scrolling my phone or playing Candy Crush. I'm hiding from homeless people and casual acquaintances in the grocery store or from weird phone calls. I'm numbing myself to hard things in life. I'm not available.

The other night I was reading Bob Goff's book Dream Big and he said, in order to have success you have to make yourself available. Start doing some uncomfortable things. Have hard conversations. He actually puts his phone number in the back of every book he writes and answers the phone when random people call. What?? He says he averages a 100 calls a day. I can't imagine.

I'm chasing some big dreams right now and when someone gives me a formula for how to do something, I typically do it. Bob Goff says to make yourself available to everything. So when the phone rang yesterday (that number that has been calling and calling and never leaving a message) I saw that as my first opportunity to do a hard thing. I answered the phone.

I think the guy on the other end was as surprised as I was. He said, "I've been trying to reach you. World Vision had you flagged as being behind on your support but it looks like you're already caught up. That's interesting." This poor guy had been calling for so long that the records were out of date. We had a nice friendly conversation and I said goodbye thinking my availability test was over for the day. Good job Sand.

Uh, no. Caleb and I drove to a job interview and as soon as we pulled in the parking lot I saw that God just upped the availability and discomfort opportunity. There was a lady holding a sign that said, "help." Ugh. We parked the car and Caleb left to go inside. I didn't hesitate or give myself time to think. I walked straight to the lady.

This is where the world gets in my head. How do I engage this lady? If I give her money for the 3 kids she has to take care of will she use it for other things? Does she have someone controlling her who will immediately take the money? Is this her full-time job and she's making a killing off of people like me? I didn't feel God nudging me to "be cautious . . . access the situation and make a judgment call if you think she's legit." I just knew that Jesus (and Bob Goff) would love her.

I said hello to her, asked her her name and told her mine. She was clearly a foreigner and I asked her where she was from and she said Romania. I was all excited cause I visited Romania. Let's have a conversation! But she didn't speak much English at all. I only had a $1 on me so I gave it to her and asked how I could help. She said, "gift card." Food to feed your kids? I can do that. So I went into the grocery store and bought a gift card.

When I came out I handed her the card and asked if I could pray with her. I didn't understand the answer (it wasn't no) so I jumped right in and prayed for her to feel God's love and for Him to provide for her needs. She seemed genuinely pleased. I went back into the grocery store to shop and when I came out later she followed me with her eyes and waved at me across the parking lot like we were friends.

I was happy I got to do that but still felt like it wasn't enough. What if she really is from Romania . . . with 3 children and no where to stay? I turned to good ole Facebook to see if anyone in our town knew more about her. And a lot of people did . . . or so they thought.

Some of the answers I got were, "She's a scam . . . she's a millionaire and that's her full-time job . . . she's a traveling gypsy . . . be very careful, that's suspicious . . . they should call the police . . . give your gift card to people who are really in need . . . she's not homeless . . . she doesn't speak English because that's part of her shtick." And on and on it went.

My happy narrative of her waving at me because we're friends turned to "she waved at you while muttering, gotcha sucker."

This is one reason I hide. It's complicated and messy. Making yourself available makes you vulnerable. People look at you and think you're gullible or naïve. You might make a mistake and do or say the wrong thing.

But I'm glad I came out of hiding yesterday for a little. No matter what this woman's actual situation was I'm praying that she felt loved and seen for a moment. I'm not sure how she would use the grocery gift card for sinister purposes but I hope it feeds someone in need (at this point in the economy we're all in need of extra grocery money).

I'm sure there are a lot more people publicly asking for help in California where Bob Goff lives. Maybe I'll call him and ask him what he does when he pulls up to a traffic light and sees someone in need. I bet he won't hide from my call!

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash