The Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living

There were many years that the struggle of life consumed my vision. Those are blogs for other days but there was no living, only surviving. I couldn't see any goodness around me or hear from God very clearly.

I felt challenged to pray Psalm 27:13, "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." And then I held God to it. I started to look for goodness . . . anything, even a glimpse would do. I watched for it everywhere I went.

I remember one day standing at the sink doing dishes in the middle of winter. I was so broken and tired and begged God to show Himself to me. The kids were at school and the house was quiet and I was yelling. I looked up and saw a flash of red go past the window. I kept watching and there it was again, a red bird swooping back and forth as I cried. It was God himself, showing up in His goodness.

From then on I was a bird-watcher. Not an actual bird-watcher who knew names and could tell you what breed I was seeing. Just a person who yelled out "RED BIRD" every time I saw one. My kids were annoyed at first but eventually they joined in. They understood that every time I saw a bird filled with color it was God telling me He loved me. We would see a colorful bird on a trail and Caleb would say, "Mom has her satisfied face on." It was a funny thing to say but true. I was satisfied. The longing for goodness fulfilled is so satisfying.

Now I can see God's goodness all around me and I try to fix my eyes on it instead of the hard. It's funny how, now that I'm not as desperate, I don't see as many colorful birds. Is it that God isn't sending them or just that I'm not looking for them?

I still struggle with the hard and feeling sad but know that I can easily find glimpses of goodness all around me. I can put my hope in them.

I highlighted Psalm 42:5 in my Bible app this morning. A good reminder to keep our hope fixed on the One who sends goodness swooping down on us.

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."